Tired

Slowly, my heart sinks into this song completely. I am tired to hang on sometimes. She is my prayers and my wish. Everything went wrong when she is declining invitation often, as if I have no idea whether will there be a chance. I am just like being fished with a bait, pulling the string over and over again. Someday, this string's gonna cut off. 2013 would be the year I make a comeback to chess world and stoned my heart once again, if that's what happen. If only she becomes my prayer, I would dedicate 110% back to her.

I remembered the first time meeting her at Istana Singapura, 7th August 2011. It's like falling in love once again. The once shattered heart are mending together. Yet, seems like, it's just an illusion. Is it? Guess she is not into me. Like a wounded dog, it licks its own wound, straddle to the side of the corner road, healing itself.      

How hard is it to find my 1st GF and the last? For the past 3 years, I'd been trying to build my fortune, to ease the lifestyle burden. Increasing possible passive income so that I can bring my love one to vacations. I knew she likes to dive. It's always me who tried to date her out. Seems it looks like a one-way communication. I am totally a failure.  

Chess is a fun game but can be cruel, when I stoned myself to a different person. It would be a battle of a machine without love. I will be a killing machine if possible. Bloodshed over the chess board. I will try to up my stamina and slim down to regain back my physical fitness to cope with the tournament pressure.

End of 2012: Goodbye Love.
2013: Welcome Chess Demon  

Sigh

I am tired with life. I have no idea why it struck my mind. To others, she is just an ordinary person, but to me, she is someone special. It has been a long time that I had lost this kind of feeling. However, I feel like being distanced away from her. Slowly drifting apart. Maybe I am not meant to be the one. It's always me who establish contacts. Will she contact me instead, letting me know what she is doing daily? I doubt so. I remember her everyday when I wake up. 

Should I go back to play chess competitively and stoned my heart again for a year or 2 again? At this moment, I think she is diving in Thailand. I'd not whatsapp her for near to 3 months. Guess, I made no impact to her life. Guess she doesn't want me to know her. Year 2012 gonna end in a month's time. I feel so tired. I am so tired with life. I feel like going for a vacation to somewhere there's no people living at that area. An island maybe. I can only dream of clinging to her shoulder when I am down and at the lowest point of my life. It will always be in dream. The only dream that never comes true. I am just feeling tired deep in my heart.