Life

Sometimes, I just feel that I don't want to continue my master. I am getting nowhere in the project. There seems to be like no guidance at all. How would my life be in the next 6 mths? My project is regarding about diapers. Right, about diapers with a system. From the beginning of this project, I am alone. They only gave ideas and recommendations. It's easy to just give the talk rather than doing themselves. I had to play with urine for god sake, carrying out test in the dirty room that consisted bacterias and viruses. No one would understand how I felt when I did the testing. They just want the result. If I got infected with viruses, who would care anyway.

What am I suppose to write for conference paper or journals? Effectiveness? Productivity? Heck, the hospital banned such a thing that was created bulky and inconvenience. I just don't know where to start and how to start. If I have a chance, I would rather take up coursework and dissertations rather than full research, which I feel alone. When I carry out this project in a dirty room, I got real sick with it due to I had to be in the dirty room more than 5 hours. Not even my supervisor would care about it even if I got sick. The nurses there advised me not to stay in the dirty room all the time as they feared for my health.

Feeling suicidal sometimes coz of this project. It's just like the same thing happen for another project which I agreed last time. I'd finish the 100 signs but with 2000+ designs. It took me a long time to render them. At first, I thought it was only 100 designs with the payment of RM600. It wasn't. I felt helplessly in that because I realized that the work I did, did not really compensate what I do. I feel that I really need a break, but heck, I can't coz I am laden with debts.

Love Story

It's a nice song. Though probably outdated a little while, yet it's still nice. I will upload the song on Monday. I lost the feeling long time but upon hearing this music, I become alive back.

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I’m standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don’t go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything of me
I was begging you please don’t go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they’re tryin to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it’s real
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess
It’s a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh,
Oh, oh
Cause we were both young when I first saw you…

Finance

I went to house showroom last week. I was stunned with the house prices. It was damn expensive. I can say that all of them more than RM300k. How the hell am I afford to buy it myself? With the salary nowadays, one can hardly pay one lump sum for the house. How many people can do that? There are 95% employee in this world and I bet that not more than 50% can do that or probably 70%.

Let say the house prices increase 10% yearly, but the salary increase 10% yearly, will that be the same or different? A 300k with 10% increase will be RM330k, while a salary, 3k with 10% will be RM3300. Are we going to be the slave forever, borrowing money from the bank and pay for 30 years till we retired?

How many of you ever thought of buying a house? I bet 99% thought about it. I need to work out my plan or get a girlfriend myself to buy that house together. Probably we can treasure the relationship like that.

I invested near to 70%. I hope that one day they would yield me some money to buy house. Well, I am not born with silver spoon in my mouth. One must be able to feed the family too. Thus, one must think of himself before we and thee.

Love

Love isn't about material or how great a person is. It comes from a feeling. The feeling that is hard to explain. Is love bound by materials nowadays? I for sure despise such an act. Probably it's for their own security, but one day, God will ask. The greed that blindfolded the love, may prove that the relationship will sour if one day, they suffer material losses.

I am now on the way to create more chances to create wealth. I don't want to attract people with my wealth. I want to learn more. If someone really in the relationship now, ask yourself several questions:
1. Why do you love a person?
2. What is the meaning of wealth to you?
3. Is richness really that important?
4. Do you like to do comparison?

I shall answer that from different point of view....

Blogging

Blogging is a form like written diary for people to see. There are many types of blogs. Some use it to express what they do everyday, some use it as an e-commerce tools to sell things. Well, I can't believe that blogging can earn a small amount of money. Though not much, but if I can open a few more blogs, this few can make a mountain. Now I know what exactly should I blog everyday. Just hope that some readers here would visit them. My new blog would be for my programming course. I will write something on their labs and exercises. Hope that it can give me some pay cheque as well....Heh....

Prophecy or Dream

I had a dream last night. It was the 3rd kind of dream that seems serious and in the past, it happened exactly like what I dream of. Isn't that is scary? When I was small, and that time I was ill, laying on the bed doing nothing. I dream about myself getting number 1 in a prize giving ceremony. It ended up really true that I got that prize in Primary 6. How true is the dream in our life? I had a 2nd dream but I forgot what was that.

Now the 3rd dream happened last night. I just pray that it will not be true. Though it's of not my jurisdiction to interfere, I am still made of flesh. Well, sometimes, you just need to let it through. That's Yin and Yang. I can't interfere with the nature's line of duty if this dream becomes a reality. Just hope that it's only a dream. It just happened instantly like a real drama. All I want is a good night sleep. Now that I know everything happens for a reason, I just let it be and open my eyes to see whether will it happen. If it is, then it is God's destiny. I can't stop the God's destiny as everyone ought to choose his/ her own way of living. The dreams happened when I was sick and on the same bed at home.

If this dream really happens exactly, all I can do is to offer my sincere help and advise. I will not do more than what I can do. There will always be a borderline forever. The resistance and will is so strong that can make me think what is wrong and right. I shall not reveal my 3rd dream here, as it does not happen yet. True or not, I can only see for I shall not block what is going to happen as it is not up to my concern. If it does not happen, I shall bless the life with joy, otherwise, I shall just console.

I watch a movie yesterday night called The Bulletproof Monk. There is one questions that really impressed me. Why there is 10 hot dogs but only 8 buns in a packaging? Sometimes, I learn all this from movie, and they enlighten me to another level. When I asked certain people, they gave all sorts of questions back to me. Instead all I want is a straight forward answer instead of "Why not 12 hot dogs?"...OMG...several ppl said this. For god sake, it doesn't matter, no matter how much are the hot dogs, the buns will always be less than the hot dogs in a packaging....Geez...they need to be precisely inform about that. Life is just simple, why would they complicated it back with more questions.

Gosh..it's 1.30 am now. I better go to sleep. I still have a flight to catch tomorrow. Some miracles are going to happen. I just cross my fingers, eating pop corns and see whether this dream really happens or not. One shall not meddle with the destiny, or bad luck shall be cast upon him.

Selangor Open 2009

I had a fantastic day at Selangor Open. I was unrated in that event but it didn't matter because all I wanted was to enjoy my game and evaluate my positions. I wanted to get the FIDE rating this year, then I will retire from International level.

During the first round, I didn't know that I was playing against Baharuddin, the Kelantan Champion. I wasn't sure because Stonemaster told me about it. Well, it was a hard fought draw. He was unrated as well. He brought his students to play in the Selangor Open. My 2nd round was against a former state champion, Shiva. He hadn't played for 20 years and he plans to make a comeback. Probably due to haven't been playing for 20 years, he might have lost touch to some of the tactics. I won that game.

The crucial moment came in the 3rd round. I was paired to play against a FIDE rated 2076, Chew Yaw Chong. It was a draw from a losing game from me. I kept defending in a losing battle. I squeezed every inch of the board looking for compensations as I was a pawn down and a piece difference. Well, anything can happen as long as I don't lose a piece. If i do, I shall resign immediately. This would be my 1st draw against FIDE rated.

The 4th round was against Pereira, a 1888 FIDE rated. It was a drawish game, but he made the mistake by sending his king to my side. All I just did was a checkmate with knight and bishop. The basic theme in checkmate. So, now my score against FIDE rated would be 1.5.

On Saturday, I had 3 games in a row. I knew that if I were to play with another FIDE rated player, I will lose my 6th round. So, in my 5th round, I played against 2027, Masrin. I was under tremendous attack from him and I try to equalize whatever he had. Instead, of me doing that perpetual check, he did it first. So I drew.

Then came the next round. I was so tired that I couldn't continue. I was destined to revenge against Stonemaster. Heh. Due to some tiredness, I tried to play fast. I knew that when I reached 15 moves, I will start to make blunder. I punished his Dutch defense due to the misplacement of the knight. From then onwards, I just couldn't think anymore. In the end, I falter. I may need some rest.

The 7th round was against another FIDE rated, Lim Kian Hwa. A sarawak Champion. I was outplayed in the opening because I wanted to try something different since he said "Did you see my previous game since all my moves were same with the previous few rounds?". Well, I did not see his games. Maybe there were some coincidence. I lost that game.

My 8th and 9th round were a drawish game. The kid at the 8th round played drawish game by exchanging everything. While against Dr.Paul, I just offered draw because I was too tired to think.

After that tournament, I got sick. I cough and now I am sitting here with my fever. It's a great tournament I would say. I met with former National Master, Christy Hon. Well, I did not know him till someone told me about his name. He gave me some ideas. It's great knowing him. :)